Tag Archive | Del May

My Heartbreak – A Meme

People look at you strange when you call someone friend and they know you’ve never stood in the same building with them, physically that is. How can you be close to someone yet never actually laid eyes on them or touched them? It happens and fortunately I don’t need to explain myself on this blog when I say last Friday morning as I was half asleep waiting for my dog to do his business while scrolling through Plurk I damn near stroked out. Someone. Hurt. My. Friend. I won’t go into all the things that went through my head because that’s not what this particular blog post is about… However.. Mister “You know who you are” You are damn lucky.. lucky I say..

Anywho, “The” Lord Jefferson, best friend of Strawberry Signh sent out a call to “Berry’s friends, fellow bloggers and little chickens” (I am a little chicken by the way. That’s what he calls the folks he likes. It’s what I tell myself when I get an email from him anyways) asking them to rally together to offer support to our beloved Berry in a time of need. He is asking us to share our lowest points, how we recovered and who was there to help. I am going to do my very best to formulate this in a manner that comes across clearly. I cannot make any promises but I will try my best. Also, I may ramble..

My dearest Berryface,

It goes without saying that heartbreak comes in many shapes and sizes. I’ve spent the day trying to come up with the words I would write here. Trying desperately to find a glimmer of brilliance that could be pieced together in a way that would be helpful. When our hearts are broken we always feel as if at that moment it is the worst pain ever. So, when I look over my life and try to pinpoint my “lowest point” or when my heart has been broken the worst I have several things that have hurt and all of them have been awful. I’ve lost two brothers that I loved dearly, relationships, friendships.. but.. my heart is in the mist if a break at the moment and I am quite low myself. So all I can think to share is my current state and how I am dealing with it.

You might remember, I am a few weeks away from being six months in remission from uterine cancer. When you enter into remission people congratulate you. They smile, hug you  and begin to celebrate for you. Yay! they say.. You’re better! Well no, not really. Remission doesn’t mean you’re okay. It simply means you’re okay for right now. It’s not a matter of if it will come back it’s a matter of when. I promised myself that day that I’d not live in fear of the what if and I am extremely sad to report that I have broken that promise. It has pretty much consumed me but not in the manner you’d expect.

heartbreakI am Celtic Pagan and to us our ability to fashion life is one of our greatest gifts from the Goddess. When I was first diagnosed all I cared about was fighting to preserve my gift. I didn’t care what I had to endure. Take my sight, take my right arm.. take anything you want from me just don’t take my ability to create life. It would have been a simple fix, no one in my life understood why I refused to simply have it removed. Instead I ignored them and went through 13 months of painful procedures and hormone therapy. The treatments worked, obviously and here I am a quarter of the way down the road to the ultimate “end goal” which is to have the go ahead to try for a baby. (Not that I even have anyone that I like enough to procreate with mind you. But whatev’s right?)

Problem is this remission situation plagues me. Different types of cancer feed off different things. Hormone therapy worked for me because my cancer “fed” off estrogen. So in essence we starved it by blocking me from producing estrogen and injecting me with insane levels of progesterone. (Side note on low points: You know you’re at one when you’re trying to decide which procedure is more important when you can only afford one right this minute; real life lolas or laser hair removal. effin hormones) So two years of clean scans docs say it’s all gone BAM go forth and procreate! But, wait.. our bodies go into over drive producing estrogen when we’re pregnant. If there’s even a tiny bit left in there that was missed it could kill me…

The basic premise here is that my Goddess has decided that it is time for me to pass into the stage of the Crone and I am fighting it. Well, holding out I’d say. I am still hoping that I am going to wake up one morning and have all the worry gone and simply just “know” that everything is fine. It isn’t going to. Anyone that is close to me knows that I spend a lot of time in my own head and that I am my own worst enemy. My heart is broken. Why has my Goddess taken my gift? I know I haven’t always been the best person or made the best choices but have I really been this awful of a person? Is there no redemption for me? Is there nothing I can do for forgiveness? This will continue to plague me until I finally accept it and just have it removed.

My cancer never breached the uterine wall so if I have it removed I will not have to worry about coming out of remission. But then I’ll never see the smile on my future husbands face when I tell him we’re pregnant. That real smile of happiness, not because he has to or because it’s the right thing to do but because he is genuinely happy that we’ve created life. I’ll never lay in the bed next to him and watch in amazement as a tiny foot or hand moves across my belly. I’ll never get to endure little alien jokes about my belly, because of course my future husband will be sarcastic. He would be married to me he would have to be to survive.

I am having a terrible time coming to terms with many things in my life, the loss of my gift, the loss of love and the loss of the life I had envisioned for myself. Most days I am okay. I can handle one of the issues surfacing, it’s only when they collide that I wig out. Thankfully I have figured out that collisions only happen when my mind is left to it’s own devices.

heartbreak1

What has kept me sane through all of this? Work, lots of it, my Second Life kids and a very few good friends. I literally work from the time I wake up till the time I go to sleep most days. If I am working I can’t think about it and if I can’t think about it I won’t cry. Thankfully Monica Outlander and Editorial Clarity came to my rescue and enabled me to fill in a whole lot of sudden free space in my life. Miamai and Love To Decorate keep my First Life downtime very minimal. They didn’t even know that I needed them yet were placed in my path at the perfect time.

My Second Life kids have got to be some of the most patient human beings ever placed on the face of this planet. I have often looked back over the past year of my life and envisioned them speaking to each other saying, “She’s doing it again, it’s your turn.” “No, you.” “No.. YOU!” During my treatments and the height of my “crazy period” (that’s hormone crazy) I suffered the end of a long term relationship that shook me pretty badly. I am certain that it would have effected me if I weren’t jacked full of crazy juice but with my hormones all over the place I was a total basket case. My kids would listen to me cry for hours. They’d talk to me for hours. Distract me in any way they could. Text back and forth with me while I was at first life work just to keep me from crying so I could finish out my day. They even stood by me and watched me make some really awful choices, fall on my bum, pick me up and dust me off.

ThanksgivingThose little avatars are the virtual representations of some of the kindest hearts that have ever graced the face of this planet. (minus one kid don’t get jealous okay?) They’ve never judged me, have always been there and have never once made me feel like anything less than the most loved person on the planet. And bless their hearts they still do. In Second Life they are my kids but honestly they have grown to be my closest friends. I am still far from okay with a great many things. My heart is broken for so many reasons it is almost too daunting to try to figure out which section to piece back together first. They are still there, standing beside me along with a very small handful of supportive people I trust with the pieces.

I don’t know Berry. This was supposed to give you hope and help inspire you through some great revelation I have experienced. Unfortunately the only thing I can offer is something I’m fairly certain you’re already aware of. You’re too smart not to be. The little things help. Giggles and games from my Second Life kids, hugs from Monica and Lyrical, the occasional email addressed to a chicken. Very small things create small smiles that break up the tears. I hope that one day while smiling you’ll forget to go back to crying. It’ll happen eventually. It certainly doesn’t feel like it now though, I know.

We’ve never met in the flesh, probably never will but my soul loves yours. You’re a beautiful, smart, talented, witty and funny soul. You have no idea how many times you’ve been that little smile for me. Thank you for being you! Please don’t ever change.

On Shae:

Dress: Junbug – Stellata Peasant iMaternity – Blue

Hair: Exile – Perfect Promise – Blacks

Skin & Appliers: Belleza – Shyla – Mocha

Mesh Hands: Slink – Mesh Hands – Casual

Pose 1: Eternity

Pose 2: Del May

On Myself and my Kids in the family picture:

ALL THE THINGS FROM ALL THE PLACES!

 

 

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The Futurewave

There are so many events going on right now there are far too many for me to keep up with. I’d love to be able to have the time to blog all of them but sadly I do not. I am a sucker however for Monica Outlander’s face tattoos so when she popped a few out for the Futurewave event I had to force myself to take a few minutes (okay hours) to shoot and edit a picture for it. These are actually two of her tattoos layered. All three of the tattoos she made for the event are tintable so you can make them whatever color you wish which turns out to be pretty handy.

FacepaintThe new ISON necklace at the new round of Collabor88 has been taunting me since opening day. It took me four different teleports with three different logins to purchase this darned thing.. but I finally got it. There is nothing worse than going negative linden every single time you try to purchase something. The same thing kept happening to me at Fameshed when I was trying to purchase these earrings from Cae. Anyone know why that is happening to me?

I’ve been pretty sick the past few weeks, that coupled with my time constraints has gotten me seriously backed up with blogging. In fact, I don’t know if I am going to actually catch up. I am finally starting to feel better though so hopefully I can catch up with everything before editing week for Love To Decorate!

On Shae:

*Face Tattoos: Miamai – Future Headpaint 01 & 02 *New* (Futurewave)

Necklace: ISON – Nova Tribe Necklace – Silver *New* (Collabor88)

Earrings: Cae – Elusive *New* (Fameshed)

Skin: Belleza – Shyla – Mocha

Hair: CaTwA – Abi

Eyes: Mayfly – Deep Sky Mesh Eye – Twilight Steel

Eyeshadow: MONS – Burning – Blue

Eyelashes: Mon Cheri – Falsies

Pose: Del May

 

I’m only human

In my quest to find someone that was willing to make a tattoo for me I learned two things. One, no one wants to mess with tattoos that involve words because apparently it’s hard as all get out to get them to lay right on an avatar. Two, this particular tattoo would have been impossible to make because of limitations that I didn’t know about. Arms mirror themselves, I knew this but it never dawned on me until I spoke to several people about it. Lucky for me, my new friend Mel Faulkwing over at Banger Island Creations jumped at the challenge. I’m glad she did as I am quite happy with how it turned out.

HumanCroppedMy friend Diarmuid Miklos at Ispachi told me of this new “Mesh Arm” situation that had been put out. Unfortunately, I don’t know the first thing about tattoos much less how to put them onto mesh. Mel immediately found these mesh arms as well and figured she would give them a try for this project. I’ll admit I was quite skeptical and wasn’t looking forward to the mesh arm thing. In my mind I visioned just another item I was going to have to fit to my body and spend hours color matching. I was pleasantly surprised when I opened the box to see that it was a situation much like mesh clothing. Standard sizes and the medium fit me perfectly! Anyone that makes tattoos should most certainly check these bad boys out. I even tried on a few shirts over the top of them and they didn’t interfere at all with each other. Pretty nifty!

Thanks Mel. It’s hell being an artist with a vision when you don’t know how to make things. I appreciate you taking on the task for me and helping me!

On Shae:

Hair: D!va Hair – Averil – Onyx *New* (Collabor88)

Bra: Sassy Kitty Designs (Now called SAKIDE)- Pulled Down Top – White Lace

Panties &Applier: Gang/Cold – Hildy Panties – Innocence

*Tattoo: Banger Island Creations – Not Good Enough  *New*

Skin & Appliers: Belleza – Shyla – Mocha

Eyes: Ikon – Spectral Eyes – Clarity

Mesh Hands: Slink – Mesh Hands – Casual

Mesh Legs and Booty: Luck Inc – Cute Azz

Pose: Del May

 

How do you feel about peacocks?

I was setting up to shoot these lovely peacock shoes when Colleen of The Loft sent out an extremely generous group gift. The items were so cute I couldn’t help but rearrange my plans to include them. Below you’ll see everything that comes in the package. I know there is a lot of different opinions on pay for groups so I’ll only say this: The Loft is a generous group when it comes to gifting and they give group discounts when you purchase complete sets. If the brand being a phenomenal one isn’t enough for you to want to hear about their new releases first then those two added benefits should help you a bit.

BangerIsland_LoftIn a virtual world where templates seem to rule the metaverse it is extremely important that one be on top of their game when it comes to textures and how they are used with those templates. Mel Faulkwing over at Banger Island Creations knows this and it’s reflected over and over again in the items you’ll find in her store. These shoes, her Peacock Spiked Wedge Heels are just another one of those items.

colorsColor customization via a hud is also another trend that is extremely sought after these days. With Mel’s hud you can choose from these four different base shoe colors and six different sock colors. Click on the picture to see a larger version. I tried my best to catch all the awesome that is in these textures but it’s pretty impossible. You’ve just got to see it for yourself.

And, because we need to rename my blog to “What’s Shae’s azz up to today..” I give you:

f47dae1c5757576d1d04767cce67448b*That moment when you’re camming around yourself and stop… because.. welp… azz…*

On Shae:

Hair: Truth Hair – Rowan – Black & Whites *New*

Top: Moose Clothing – Mary Top N Bra – Blue

Hot Pants: Forever Young – Sassy Pants – Red (The Azz Show Currently closed for a new round!)

*Shoes: Banger Island Creations – The Peacock Spiked Wedge Heels *New*

Skin & Appliers: Belleza – Shyla – Mocha

Mesh Hands: Slink – Mesh Hands – Casual

Mesh Legs and Bootay: Luck Inc – Cute Azz

Pose: Del May

Furniture:

*The Loft Group Gift – January *New*

Taylor Side Chair Bone, Painted Tail Birds, Taylor Side Table Dark Walnut, Don’t Matter Frame, Alderan Lamp and Taylor Mirrors

I Believe

I have been pretty bogged down this week with work so I haven’t had a lot of time to go out shopping but there are two items I do want to tell you about! The first is this new hair from Miamai called Ojaa. You can’t really see from the pictures because I suck but it’s a cute little pony tail. I am loving it and Monica Outlander threw a special version of it out to the Miamai group members today so if you missed it or aren’t a member of the group you’re gonna want to do what you gotta do to grab it!

I BelieveThe second item I’d like to tell you about is from a new to me shop called Plastik. It’s probably been around for quite some time I just didn’t know about it until they followed me on Flickr. I have had to make a habit of going to folks Flickr streams to preview before returning follows here lately. Some of you make surfing Flickr totally unsafe for work you know! Anywho, popped over and saw ALL THE CRAZY things! I really enjoy stores like this one that have little things that you won’t be likely to find otherwise. The horns, choker and earrings are all part of a huge package that was offered for 50L during yesterday’s Fifty Linden Friday round. There is a TON of stuff in this box. I tried to put on all the things but welp.. it wasn’t pretty. I’m really glad they added me on Flickr and I look forward to being able to pop over to the store to grab something off their shelves when I am feeling a bit outside the box.

I Believe2Can we talk about my azz? I haven’t been able to take it off since I got it Monday. By the way, I always wake up with the intent to do Berry’s Monday Memes and promise myself I will when I get home from work but something always comes up! This week it was completely derailed by my insane desire to acquire and play with the Cute Azz. Anywho, a few things that require mentioning or warning as the case may be about this azz:

One: If you stare at it too long it’ll make you want to stand up and do squats. True story! So if you’re one of those that decided you were finally gonna do the squat challenge as your new years resolution you are gonna need this azz. Loads of motivation, right there in your face all the time cause.. welp… it’s your azz!

Two: There aren’t enough appliers out there. I know I haven’t had time to look very hard but I have spent a few hours on the marketplace. Listen here people: I am a momma! I cannot be trotting around in my drawers all the time. At the very least I’m gonna need people to get on the ball with some more appliers that have.. erm.. more coverage? Again, I’m new to the whole mesh booty scene so if there’s someone out there who has knowledge of where to get appliers that will cover the whole thing and not just thongs I’d appreciate you dropping me a message here, email a sister.. IM her! Something!

Three: Your boots? Nay Nay. I truly wanted to wear some thigh high boots with this styling but nothing I tried worked. So… yeah.

Four: What is THIS about? (See below)

I Believe3That’s a raw snapshot, do you see the color change? It only happens at certain angles and I’m not quite certain why. At the angle used for the first picture it’s not visible. I’ve also noticed that as I move my camera around my avatar the appliers on the azz flicker a whole lot. And when I say flicker I mean just funky patches, not the entire thing. It’s really strange. I’ve no idea why, for photography it’s no big deal but for every day use it might be a problem. If there is something I need to change I’d really like to know about it!

Five: I can’t get my feet to match up exactly. I did figure out the gap issue between the legs and the feet though. My graphics are usually on Ultra for photos and once I bumped it down one tick it went away. No idea why! I’m not smart enough to figure it out but it went away and that’s all that matters. However.. there is a slight issue between my legs and my Slink feet. I’ve tried all the different sizes and it’s still there. For me the size xxsmall gets me the closest but it’s still not a perfect fit. Help? *makes a frowny face* It isn’t very noticeable but I know it’s there and because I know it’s there it effects the sexy that is projected from my aura! Waaaah!

Six: NO MORE KNOBBY KNEES!!!! I know I said it on my last post but seriously.. SO happy about not having to photoshop knobby knees anymore. Check out the raw snap below! Wooohoo! It’s not perfect but it’s a heck of a lot better than it was before!

I Believe4Seven: (Side note: I wanted to stop on six because … SIXPence but I have to tell you) You’re gonna get addicted to this thing quickly. Also, you get used to it quickly too. I’ve been wearing it all week and took it off for the first time today. I was INSTANTLY mortified. I couldn’t wait to get my Cute Azz (loving called the Phlat Azz by me!) back on. It’s amazing the difference it makes. Totally worth the lindens in my opinion.

On Shae:

Lingerie w/ Applier: *MUKA* – Blossom Back

*Hair: Miamai – Ojaa – Black1 *New*

Horns & Jewelry: :[Plastik]: – Krysis Set – Eastern Sunrise Limited Edition *New* (Fifty Linden Fridays)

Skin & Appliers: Belleza – Shyla – Mocha

Eyelashes: Mon Cheri – Falsies

Eyes: IKON – Spectral Eyes – Clarity

Mesh Hands: SLink – Mesh Hands – Casual

Mesh Bootay: Luck Inc – Cute Azz

Poses: Del May

Have you met my azz?

Hello… have you met my new azz?

CuteAzzThese are just raw shots of the new “Cute Azz” that made it’s debut today at Luck Inc. The only thing I’ve done to these images is resized them. I figured it would be best for everyone to see everything properly that way without question!

CuteAzz1I’ve waited to see if CK Winx would come out with a smaller size version of the Phat Azz and I am so glad it’s finally here! I tried so hard to make the Phat Azz slide down to a proportion that looked good with my normal shape. Failed miserably each time. I loathe photoshopping my bum and hips.. but even more exciting for me is that now I won’t have to photoshop out knobby knees!

CuteAzz2This version is meant for zero body fat and belly fat. So a lot of the problems people were having or complaining about with the Phat Azz isn’t an issue with this one. Best of all, because it’s a Luck Inc product all of the Phat Azz appliers work for this version as well, like this lingerie set from Blacklace.

CuteAzz3 I am still working on my shorter shape trying to get the legs to a thickness that I’d like. This is my modeling shape which is extremely tall and thin. I will fully admit that I am not all that good with shapes but hopefully I’ll be able to figure it out. I am also having an issue with a gap between the legs of the Cute Azz and my Slink Feet. I’m not sure how to fix this or even if I can. If any of you veteran Phat Azz users had this issue and fixed it I would certainly appreciate a little help! But.. For now though.. I’m just gonna sit here and stare at my new azz..

On Shae:

Mesh Bootay: *L.inc* Cute Azz *New!*

Lingerie:  Blacklace – Diacentra – Coal Lace Clincher Set

Hair: Exile – Party Girl – Blacks

Skin & Appliers: Belleza – Shyla – Mocha

Hands: Slink – Mesh Hands – Casual

Silk Wraps: Dutchie (Given as a prop from many furniture pieces)

Poses: Del May

 

 

 

The Pieces

If you haven’t had a chance to get to this month’s round of Collabor88 you have got to get your pixels there. I don’t care if you sit there for hours focused on nothing but failed teleports, it’s worth it! I nearly died when Shyla Diggs posted the teaser for Belleza’s contribution this month. Meet Ria..

PiecesThere are five different make-ups and four tones to choose from. Each of the tones come with all five lipsticks which include a matte finish and a glossy finish version. Also included are the cutest freckles ever and I’m not a freckle person at all.. Oh, and lovely little beauty marks. It’s seriously a beautiful skin. I’ll die if Shyla doesn’t put it out in the mocha tone, (Read that Shyla?! I’ll DIE! You don’t want that… do you?)  I am wearing the tan version here which is two full shades lighter than my normal. It’s been an adjustment but it’s such a beautiful skin I just can’t take it off!

Pieces2D!va Hair released four new hairs at Collabor88 this month, all of which were worn by Misses during the final rounds of Miss Virtual World 2014 held last month. I am wearing Miso which was worn by Miss Norway. There is a shocking amount of jewelry this month at the event as well. The collar and necklace I am wearing are both part of what is being offered by Maitreya this month. The earrings are part of another set that can be found there as well.

Seriously guys, so much awesomeness at Collabor88 this month. I managed to get myself back in a second time to grab all the things I was remorseful for not purchasing. I honestly think I bought one of everything. Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration.. maybe..

On Shae:

Skin: Belleza – Ria – Tan 2 – *New* Collabor88

Hair: D!va Hair – Miso – Onyx – *New* Collabor88

Collar & Necklace: Maitreya – Vintage Collar & Pearls – Ivory *New* Collabor88

Earrings: (Yummy) – Pear Whisp – Silver *New* Collabor88

Lingerie: Fishy Strawberry – Soignee – White

Hands: Slink – Mesh Hands – Casual

Applier: Belleza

Eyes: Mayfly – Deep Shy Mesh Eyes – Twilight Steel Shadow

Eyelashes: Mon Cheri – Falsies

Pose: Del May